So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
