It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
