I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
