My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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