I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
