That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
