He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
