FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
