I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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