The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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