How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The best revenge is premature balding
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
