Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
