4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
