my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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