i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
