i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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