mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
