If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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