ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
