I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
