mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
