I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i permit you to call me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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