Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
