I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
