She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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