There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
