I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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