I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
