ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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