He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
