Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
