Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
