There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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