Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
how does that bad decision feel?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
