Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We are all done wearing pants today
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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