I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
