If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
