Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
