She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
