Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
