Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
