I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
