I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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