i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
