whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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