All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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