first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
