Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
