Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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