You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
