Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
