how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
dude. I can hear the air.
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