I think my fart just growled at me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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