dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
