I skipped work to stalk him.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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