I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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